Two Peer Reviews for Synthesis Papers
For J.'s Synthesis, Male Nurses
1. For J.'s paper, Male Nurses, J. discussed the controversial topic of male nurses in the work force. The introduction of J.'s paper properly introduced the topic and gave it a thesis for the body of the paper. The first source, a statistic, suggests that J. will handle future sources in his paper in a similar manner---statistics and website sources. I would suggest tying together the multiple unrelated sentences J. uses talking about nursing in general to a specific sentence about why those aspects tie into male nursing, instead of splitting it up.
2. A total of five or six sources were used in J.'s paper.
3. J. connects his sources with summaries of those sources in his own personal opinions; however, J. could provide further sources to support those sources instead of relying solely on his personal opinion about the quote or source.
4. Since J. does not have more than one source per paragraph, he connects them in separate paragraphs, not necessarily with one another, which could be improved. There are one or two sources provided with use paragraph.
5. The majority of J.'s statistical and informational citation appears correctly connected to his own writing. Grammatically, however, he could improve minor ways of citing websites or quotes, such as placing the period after the parenthesis, such as the website quote 'minoritynurse.com' in the second paragraph (i.e., "like him" (Bundt). In paragraph three, the quote about relationships and men seems to be too broad to relate to male nurses.
6. J. does a good job connecting his conclusion back to the problems he addressed in the body of the paper. He reiterates his thesis statement discussing the controversies in the field and then bases his conclusion around them. The question of male nursing being appropriate is clearly understood and questions/research are utilized well.
7. Each paragraph accurately addresses individual questions about male nursing. However, paragraph three seems to sidetrack with male nursing and relationships.
8. The paragraphs address problems, but they could transition more smoothly instead of jumping into topics. One way that J. could do this is by beginning each paragraph by a sentence which connects to his broad idea of male nursing being objected to, such as "Another area that male nursing is criticized about is because they are seen as effeminate..."
9. J. does an excellent job of repeating key ideas of phrases in each paragraph so that the reader understands what he's talking about.
10. The order of each of J.'s paragraphs is appropriate because he addresses each problem of male nursing in order.
11. The writer cites the majority of his sources except the beginning source (minoritynurse.com), and some of the cited information is not shown in the body of his paper, but simply provided at the end in the works cited page. However, he does provide a clear works cited page.
12. I would suggest J. works on:
* His citation within the article, citing it appropriately
* Paragraph 3 talking about men and relationships having a smoother or clearer connection to male nursing
* Some minor grammar, such as paragraph 4 and 5: "Some male nurses get criticisms, people...", "who wanna be doctors but is rejected".
*A title which catches the reader's eye and says more about the paper
For A.'s Synthesis, Inefficiencies of Green
1. It appears that A.'s topic relates to green efficiency; however, it does not seem to apply to later sources which talk mainly about cars' green efficiency as opposed to other aspects of green efficiency. I would suggest A. clarifies that the topic will be mainly about cars and green efficiency, or else change the body of the paper.
2. There appear to be five sources.
3. A. uses his sources to dwell on some of his own sentence structure about certain issues; his sources could have more summary to become clearer.
4. Since A.'s essay is only made up of three large paragraphs, it is difficult to make out transitions---rather, they seem to be relating to separate ideas in one paragraph. There are three or four sources in one paragraph and one in the last paragraph.
5. The quotes each have separate ideas and background, but they need to have more summary and broader ideas connected to them instead of simply stating them and quickly addressing them.
6. A. uses his conclusion to make a few broad statements about hybrids and their efficiency, which despite his unclear thesis statement, tied into the body of his paper and clarified his research question. His research question---whether or not certain cars were helpful from being green---was addressed in the body rather than the introduction, which is where his conclusion showed its strongest similarity.
7. Since each paragraph is so long, several ideas are competing, especially in paragraph two. If A. broke these up his paper could become more clear.
8. The connections between paragraphs are few---the introduction, the main body paragraph, and the conclusion paragraph. Paragraphs two and three most clearly tie together because they both talk about hybrid cars and their efficiency. Transitions could be improved by making more paragraphs.
9. A. does not repeat concepts or themes, but dwells more on a specific topic briefly. He could do this more frequently in his paper.
10. The order of the paragraphs is logical in basic form, but need to be more numerous.
11. There was no works cited page currently given, but A. told us that he was still improving it.
12. The four things that A. could improve would be:
*Make individual paragraphs to bring about clearer, more specific topic ideas
*Cite his information correctly within the paper (i.e., putting cited material in parenthesis)
*Provide a more solid, accurate thesis statement and paragraph for his paper
*Dwell more on each topic he briefly touched on to broaden his paper
1. For J.'s paper, Male Nurses, J. discussed the controversial topic of male nurses in the work force. The introduction of J.'s paper properly introduced the topic and gave it a thesis for the body of the paper. The first source, a statistic, suggests that J. will handle future sources in his paper in a similar manner---statistics and website sources. I would suggest tying together the multiple unrelated sentences J. uses talking about nursing in general to a specific sentence about why those aspects tie into male nursing, instead of splitting it up.
2. A total of five or six sources were used in J.'s paper.
3. J. connects his sources with summaries of those sources in his own personal opinions; however, J. could provide further sources to support those sources instead of relying solely on his personal opinion about the quote or source.
4. Since J. does not have more than one source per paragraph, he connects them in separate paragraphs, not necessarily with one another, which could be improved. There are one or two sources provided with use paragraph.
5. The majority of J.'s statistical and informational citation appears correctly connected to his own writing. Grammatically, however, he could improve minor ways of citing websites or quotes, such as placing the period after the parenthesis, such as the website quote 'minoritynurse.com' in the second paragraph (i.e., "like him" (Bundt). In paragraph three, the quote about relationships and men seems to be too broad to relate to male nurses.
6. J. does a good job connecting his conclusion back to the problems he addressed in the body of the paper. He reiterates his thesis statement discussing the controversies in the field and then bases his conclusion around them. The question of male nursing being appropriate is clearly understood and questions/research are utilized well.
7. Each paragraph accurately addresses individual questions about male nursing. However, paragraph three seems to sidetrack with male nursing and relationships.
8. The paragraphs address problems, but they could transition more smoothly instead of jumping into topics. One way that J. could do this is by beginning each paragraph by a sentence which connects to his broad idea of male nursing being objected to, such as "Another area that male nursing is criticized about is because they are seen as effeminate..."
9. J. does an excellent job of repeating key ideas of phrases in each paragraph so that the reader understands what he's talking about.
10. The order of each of J.'s paragraphs is appropriate because he addresses each problem of male nursing in order.
11. The writer cites the majority of his sources except the beginning source (minoritynurse.com), and some of the cited information is not shown in the body of his paper, but simply provided at the end in the works cited page. However, he does provide a clear works cited page.
12. I would suggest J. works on:
* His citation within the article, citing it appropriately
* Paragraph 3 talking about men and relationships having a smoother or clearer connection to male nursing
* Some minor grammar, such as paragraph 4 and 5: "Some male nurses get criticisms, people...", "who wanna be doctors but is rejected".
*A title which catches the reader's eye and says more about the paper
For A.'s Synthesis, Inefficiencies of Green
1. It appears that A.'s topic relates to green efficiency; however, it does not seem to apply to later sources which talk mainly about cars' green efficiency as opposed to other aspects of green efficiency. I would suggest A. clarifies that the topic will be mainly about cars and green efficiency, or else change the body of the paper.
2. There appear to be five sources.
3. A. uses his sources to dwell on some of his own sentence structure about certain issues; his sources could have more summary to become clearer.
4. Since A.'s essay is only made up of three large paragraphs, it is difficult to make out transitions---rather, they seem to be relating to separate ideas in one paragraph. There are three or four sources in one paragraph and one in the last paragraph.
5. The quotes each have separate ideas and background, but they need to have more summary and broader ideas connected to them instead of simply stating them and quickly addressing them.
6. A. uses his conclusion to make a few broad statements about hybrids and their efficiency, which despite his unclear thesis statement, tied into the body of his paper and clarified his research question. His research question---whether or not certain cars were helpful from being green---was addressed in the body rather than the introduction, which is where his conclusion showed its strongest similarity.
7. Since each paragraph is so long, several ideas are competing, especially in paragraph two. If A. broke these up his paper could become more clear.
8. The connections between paragraphs are few---the introduction, the main body paragraph, and the conclusion paragraph. Paragraphs two and three most clearly tie together because they both talk about hybrid cars and their efficiency. Transitions could be improved by making more paragraphs.
9. A. does not repeat concepts or themes, but dwells more on a specific topic briefly. He could do this more frequently in his paper.
10. The order of the paragraphs is logical in basic form, but need to be more numerous.
11. There was no works cited page currently given, but A. told us that he was still improving it.
12. The four things that A. could improve would be:
*Make individual paragraphs to bring about clearer, more specific topic ideas
*Cite his information correctly within the paper (i.e., putting cited material in parenthesis)
*Provide a more solid, accurate thesis statement and paragraph for his paper
*Dwell more on each topic he briefly touched on to broaden his paper
Good suggestions!
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